Best Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris, the iconic martial artist and actor, has been the subject of one of the internet’s longest-lasting and most beloved forms of humor: Chuck Norris jokes. These jokes, characterized by their over-the-top claims about Norris’s toughness, superhuman abilities, and general invincibility, have become a worldwide sensation, transcending the bounds of normal humor to create a unique genre of their own.

But what is it about Chuck Norris jokes that makes them so universally appealing? At their core, they’re a delightful blend of absurdity and admiration. They paint Norris as a figure who isn’t just tough, but is also capable of feats that defy logic, physics, and often, common sense. For instance, jokes like “Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep; he waits” or “When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris” both humorously exaggerate his capabilities and poke fun at the tough-guy image he’s portrayed in movies and television.

The phenomenon began in the early 2000s and rapidly gained traction, with countless websites, forums, and social media platforms featuring dedicated sections for these jokes. While many internet trends come and go, Chuck Norris jokes have displayed remarkable staying power, a testament to their universal appeal and timeless humor.

Interestingly, the man himself has often expressed amusement at these jokes. Rather than taking offense, Norris has embraced the humor, seeing it as a lighthearted way fans show admiration for his on-screen persona. This level of endorsement from the legend only served to further fuel the joke’s popularity.

In essence, Chuck Norris jokes represent more than just a collection of humorous statements. They’re a cultural phenomenon, a shared experience for millions worldwide. Whether you’re hearing one for the first time or the hundredth, they have an uncanny ability to bring a smile to your face, reminding us all of the playful power of humor and the larger-than-life legend of Chuck Norris.

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
2. When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
4. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
5. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
6. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
7. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
8. If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
9. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
10. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
11. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
12. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off.
13. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
14. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
15. Chuck Norris can hear silence.
16. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
17. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
18. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
19. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
20. Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
21. Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in 20 minutes.
22. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
23. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
24. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
25. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
26. Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and wins every time.
27. Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
29. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
30. When Chuck Norris enters a room, even WiFi drops in respect.
31. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
32. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
33. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
34. When Google can’t find something, it asks Chuck Norris.
35. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a shadow because nothing stands behind Chuck Norris.
36. The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed.
37. Chuck Norris can make a Happy Meal cry.
38. If Chuck Norris was a calendar, every month would be Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your butt.
39. Chuck Norris doesn’t age. He levels up.
40. When Chuck Norris goes for a swim, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
41. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
42. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
43. Chuck Norris can cook Minute Rice in 30 seconds.
44. Chuck Norris can hear colors.
45. Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
46. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
47. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
48. When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, it’s the real thing.
49. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
50. Zombies are afraid of Chuck Norris.
51. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a GPS. The universe knows where he is.
52. Chuck Norris can sneeze thunder and cough lightning.
53. Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.
54. The wind is Chuck Norris taking a deep breath.
55. Chuck Norris can play fetch with himself.
56. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
57. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
58. Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with the sun.
59. Chuck Norris doesn’t predict the future. He decides it.
60. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
61. Chuck Norris’s blood type is AK-47.
62. When Chuck Norris points to the sky, the clouds clear out of respect.
63. Chuck Norris can make a rock paper scissors game end in a draw.
64. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
65. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to open doors. They open themselves out of respect.
66. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he’s not lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
67. Aliens once tried to invade Earth. They saw Chuck Norris and went home.
68. Chuck Norris can hear your thoughts. And he thinks you’re funny.
69. Chuck Norris can turn a pancake by flipping the universe.
70. Chuck Norris knows your password. But he respects your privacy.
71. Chuck Norris can parallel park a train.
72. Chuck Norris’s beard is made of invincible diamond threads.
73. Chuck Norris doesn’t do laundry; clothes clean themselves out of respect.
74. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tornado. It’s now called a “hurricane.”
75. Chuck Norris’s email address is Gmail@ChuckNorris.com.
76. When Chuck Norris enters a marathon, the finish line comes to him.
77. Chuck Norris can taste lies.
78. If Chuck Norris were to fight himself, he’d win. Always.
79. Chuck Norris can smell the future.
80. When Chuck Norris steps on a LEGO, the LEGO cries in pain.
81. Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
82. Chuck Norris can do a lap around the world in 60 seconds.
83. When you have a nightmare, you’re dreaming of Chuck Norris.
84. Chuck Norris’s strength is the reason the Earth spins.
85. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.
86. Chuck Norris makes the speed of light look slow.
87. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are just called “The Islands.”
88. Chuck Norris can start a fire using two balls of snow.
89. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a computer; he is the internet.
90. The universe didn’t begin with a big bang. It started when Chuck Norris cleared his throat.
91. Chuck Norris can throw a boomerang in a straight line.
92. Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages.
93. When you say “nobody’s perfect,” Chuck Norris takes it as a personal insult.
94. Chuck Norris doesn’t need keys; doors unlock out of fear.
95. The real reason dinosaurs went extinct? Chuck Norris.
96. Chuck Norris doesn’t wait for opportunity to knock. He hunts it down.
97. Chuck Norris’s dog is trained to pick up after its own poop because Chuck Norris will not take sh*t from anyone.
98. The safest place to hide during a tornado is in a room with Chuck Norris.
99. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, he doesn’t get wet; the water gets cleaned.
100. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to turn on the TV. It turns on out of fear when he walks into the room.